“Just be yourself!” is the best and worst advice that keeps getting handed down from generation to generation.
It really is the best advice. Unfortunately it’s also useless and confusing without an explanation.
I'm a dork and I like silly hats. And I'm ok with that
The problem is that most of us forget who we are. We spend countless years trying to “become someone” who is accepted or validated. Trying to mold ourselves into what’s acceptable. By now we have molded our personalities to what others have told us is normal, desired, or wanted by those around us.
The core issue is that we have learned somewhere along the line that we’re not good enough the way we are. That our quirks and desires and things that are unusual about us are somehow wrong.
Friends, parents, strangers – everyone has an idea about who you should be and what you should act like. They mean well. They are (unconsciously) trying to control the world by making it conform to what they think the world should look like. So they give their opinions. Try to make things look like how they want. It makes them feel safe. It’s the way they learned to survive. And there’s nothing wrong with that (because you do it too).
The issue arises when you buy into it at the expense of your true nature – your deep and innate desire to express yourself in a way that makes you feel alive and fulfilled.
So. What are you really all about?
Who is your best self? What’s your true self like? Who are you? What do you stand for? It might be helpful to sit with those questions for a little while. Detach yourself from where you are right now and what you’re doing.
If you had a clean canvas, what would your life be like? If you were to write your hero story – your life as a novel – what kind of character would you be in it?
Take the time to do that and sit with it for a little bit.
…
Now see how that differs from your reality. If your reality and your hero story is not the same – that’s probably because you have forgotten who you are by trying to conform to people’s expectations over the years and have been stuck in patterns that keep reinforcing this sense of self that’s not really truly alive, but is just good enough to keep you surviving.
But it’s never too late to start. Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around. So start with something small that’s truly representative of who you really are – your real self – your true self. This could be anything – sing a tune that pops into your head (aloud). Pay a sincere compliment to that girl sitting over there about her quirky hat. Go online and book a flight to Tahiti. Draw a liger on your desk with a sharpie. Or maybe just sit there, smiling. Do something – something that’s truly you. Be yourself (even if just for a few moments). See what that feels like.
I am willing to bet your true self is free, filled with joy, love, and life.
Find you. One step at a time. And just be yourself.
